Motherhood

I've been a mom for a little over 3 months now, and let me tell you, the amount of emotions I have felt in this short period of time, are sometimes overwhelming. Not all of these emotions have been good unfortunately. I have felt so angry, guilty, sad, resentful, etc... it makes me wonder if I'll ever be a good mommy. I need patience, lot's of it.

I feel like something has been going on with my little baby since he was born (NICU, the harness and now the cast) My mom came and left. She was so much help these past 5 weeks. I was able to go to bed with my husband, eat dinner with him, rest, hand the baby over when I had to pump or when I was just plain overwhelmed.

Now we are back to just the 3 of us, still trying to come up with a good routine. Right now, Mike does all the cooking and I do most of the cleaning. I go to bed at around 8pm and Mike stays up with the baby, sometimes the baby will sleep, other times he'll be up. I wake up at around 2am to pump and take over baby duty for the rest of the morning/day. This is the only way we can both get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, the baby wakes up about every hour at night.

The first few weeks with the cast were very difficult. I wrote that he was crying and spitting up more than usual in my last post, well, it got even worse. Then finally around week 4, he was doing much better. He even started getting more vocal and sort of smiling, here's a video of him in his little "jungle". I still don't think he smiles "on purpose". I finally figured out a way to hold him that would make him burp, and that seemed to help.

(See, told you, rubbing his face. Taken on Feb 11, 13 weeks old)

Since my mom left, it seems like he has gone back to crying a lot again. It's really hard to deal with the crying, especially when you are hungry, probably dirty, have to use the bathroom, tired and nothing seems to soothe the baby, it is such a horrible feeling, I sometimes end up crying with him. We have to keep mittens on him at all times now, because all he wants to do is rub his little face off, it's pretty frustrating. We can't really swaddle him because he gets overheated.

At this point, we have less than 2 weeks to go until they take the cast off. You have no idea how excited I'm! I want to finally bathe him, see his whole precious little body. He is starting to get stinky and he has had a few poop explosions... not good. I will be heartbroken if his hips haven't improved and he needs another cast, I really don't know how I'm going to deal with it. I think the hospital stay and recovering from the anesthesia are the worst parts...I think... the crying is pretty bad too :(

I never imagined this was going to be so hard; physically and emotionally. Mike is pretty positive that once the cast comes off, Andrew will do much better. In the mean time, we are just taking it day by day, enjoying the moments when the baby does seem happy. Thanks to everyone that has been praying and sending good thoughts, I really appreciate it, it really makes me feel a little better.

Coming this November...

Would you...

jump in the icy cold water of a pool for 5 minutes? Would you do it for $50? Because well, I totally did a little while ago. Mike has been taking cold showers for some time now and yesterday he decided to go jump in the cold pool. It was freezing, but he did it. Today he planned on doing it again, but this time, he asked me, what it would take for me to do it too.

I said $50... he then walked away (I should have followed him, to see where he got it from) and came back with the 50 bucks. I should have said $100... to late. We finished watching our tv show, then he went and changed into his swim trunks and asked if I was going to do it. I told him only if he was really going to give me the money. So I changed into my bathing suit and off we went to the pool, all bundled up.

Once I got there and touched the water, I really didn't think I could do it, it was freezing! I think I waited for about 10 minutes on the side of the pool, getting wet from the light rain and shaking from the coldness, before deciding to actually jump in. Once I was in, I just had to keep on moving, my whole skin felt all tingly and numb. Mike said the water was even colder today than it was yesterday, even though the outside temperature was warmer today.

So there you have it, I did it! Easiest $50 I've ever made, haha. Some benefits of cold water therapy include: keeping your blood pressure stabilized, stimulating the body to release endorphins, improving the body’s immune system by increasing white blood cell levels, etc. I'm sorry, but I'll do it again only for money, Mike can be the healthy one in this marriage :P

Welcome 2010

A little late in welcoming the new year but here I am! Things that have happened since my last post:

- Bought new Christmas ornaments for next year at Target. I got them in white and jewel tones... very cheerful looking.

- Spent my last gift card and with it, purchased my very first pair of skinny jeans... Is there like an age limit to wearing them? I hope I don't look ridiculous in them.

- Mike calls skinny jeans "Harry Potter jeans"... I don't know why.

- I also bought lots of cute new undies hee hee

- Celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary yesterday. We had lunch at Seasons 52, which we have never been. Other than that, nothing special :(

- Today we used our brand new standing mixer to make chocolate butter cookies, as usual, they turned out delicious.

- Speaking of cookies, I think they'll go great with my tea. I have completely given up coffee and I now drink decaffeinated tea with cream and sugar, I really like it!

- The weather is amazing, it's been in the 50's these past days... love love love

- Made scallops for dinner for the first time today... they were so good! How can we be such amazing cooks? ;)

Just checking in

My training for the second part of the US Census job is over. It was hard to understand the new material and we were in a small and crowded room, which made it even worse. I'm glad that's over with. We should be done pretty quickly with this job, not sure what happens next.

Mike was gone again Tuesday-Thursday night. We've only been seeing each other on the weekends lately. When he is here, he still needs to catch up on more work, so that sucks. We still don't know if he has to go back next week or not.

My boobs started hurting again. Last month they hurt for more than a week, so it made me believe I was pregnant because that never happens to me. Needless to say, I was pretty upset when my period came along. This month I'll try not to get my hopes up so much...

Changes

There has been a couple of changes in my life lately. The first one is that I legally changed my last name. I know this might sound corny, but I honestly feel like I've lost a part of my identity and heritage. I don't see how changing a last name makes a marriage more "official"... it feels like my husband now owns me or something. I still don't get what the big deal is, but it meant a lot to Mike and it was starting to become a hassle with insurance and other paper work, so I went ahead and got it over with.

The other change we're making in our life is in our diet. Just a few weeks back, while enjoying some tapas in Miami, I was telling my friends how I would NEVER go on a diet, that I loved food so much... well, so much for that conversation. I had some blood work done a few weeks ago and something weird came up in my liver, so I had to get more blood work done. Now I'm waiting to go back and discuss the results with my doctor.

We have been eating more natural for like 2 years now, making everything from scratch and not eating any preservatives, artificial ingredients, hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup. But now, we are also trying to really cut down on our carbs and sugar, and that makes me very sad! I tell Mike I'd rather live a short and happy life, where I can eat anything I want! He doesn't seem to agree with me he he. I know it's all a matter of getting used to this new lifestyle, but it's so hard! I have the cravings of 10 pregnant ladies put together! I love desserts and bread so much it makes me want to cry... ok I admit it, I did cry about it already.

I know that in the long run it's the right decision. I don't want to end up like my parents taking tons of pills to control everything. As it is, Mike and I believe that most diseases are preventable by eating the right diet, I just didn't really care he he. We are still taking our food based vitamins and cod liver oil. We also started going on daily walks. Now that we are back on track in our trying to conceive (ttc) adventure, what better time to change our eating habits to try our best to have a healthy baby right?

Rainy days

Mike has been on vacation since last Thursday. We've been staying home, being lazy, cooking and watching mostly bad and corny movies. Mike has been having trouble with his back lately, so today he finally went to the doctor. He needs to go get blood work done (and so do I), get an x-ray of his back and also go to physical therapy. I really hope he gets better soon. We'll probably do all that this week and see what happens from there.

I was working on 3 new paintings for Sugar Village, I finished 2 of them but messed up TWICE on the third, I was so upset I left it alone for a while. Instead, I started editing some of the paintings on the computer to have more note cards made. I even designed invitations with the elephant and cupcake design on them. I'm so excited about them! Can't wait to get them printed. I also think I'm going to get cards made with my "big" painting design on them, which is the one I'm showing below.

PS. I forgot to mention that we also bought a new washer this weekend, something happened to the transmission of our old one. First the AC, then the water heater now this...it sucks.

Star Trek and Cookies

Hello! Mike and I are going to go watch the Star Trek movie later tonight. How did a girl like me get into this Star Trek mess you may ask, well let me explain. I made Mike watch the whole series of Friends and Sex and the City with me and in exchange, I would watch Star Trek with him, well let me tell you, there are enough Star Trek episodes for the next 100 years! I must find another girly series for him to watch with me.

We made peanut butter cookies last night. Although I really wanted crunchy oatmeal cookies, like the ones from Panera Bread, but we made those instead. I'm attempting to make a coconut cream pie today for my mother in law, that's the dessert she requested for tomorrow. I can blame Mike if it doesn't come out well, I'm doing it how he told me to.

I finally started working on new paintings for Sugar Village, it's going to be 3 pieces with an A, B and C. I'll show you when I'm finished with them. I want to start making paintings for any age group, because right now, they appeal mostly to people with babies. But every time I try to, it transforms into something cute, I just can't help it. Maybe one day...

So...

As I was telling Candice today, I don't really like to post blog entries if I've been feeling bleh-ish. Last week I truly felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack...at least that's what I think it was, based on the symptoms I found on the mighty cyber bible known as Google.

I tend to freak out and stress over little things. Lately I've been feeling sad, frustrated, confused, stressed, disappointed, like a loser, etc. All these feelings have to do with either driving, my job hunt, my Etsy store or my husband. I'd rather not get into it right now though. I just hate feeling this way and want it to end soon.

On another note, I had a little "milestone" today. I put gas in the car all by myself for the first time. I couldn't even open the cap for the gas tank, but after many attempts I finally got it open. I know all this driving news is probably no big deal to most, but to me, driving is the scariest thing I have ever had to do... well, maybe besides marriage he he. I feel (and hope!) that both will one day be worth the hard work.

Pasatelli Soup

We already had homemade chicken stock and homemade bread. So we decided to make this delicious and extremely easy soup. It's basically just chicken stock with a few herbs and dumplings made out of fresh bread crumbs, grated Parmesan cheese (the real stuff, not the kind in a container with a green lid) and eggs. The dumplings were nice and cheesy and the broth had so much flavor. I see this as being one of our "family favorites".

So...

I've been looking for a job. I took a test to possibly work for the US Census Bureau. I need to call them and see if they have a job for me. I also applied at Target and emailed my resume to a job I found on Craigslist, to work at a lab at UCF. We'll see what happens.

I drove for the first time by myself today. I went to the post office. When I got there, I realized how nervous I was because my heart was beating really fast. I made it back home safely though. One day at a time.

Tonight, I went out to dinner with my friend Erica and a few other friends of hers, it was her birthday! We had sushi and one of her friends payed for all of us, that was so nice of him!

I made a new painting today. It's a kangaroo with her baby...I'm not sure if I like it yet, I'll post it as soon as I scan it or take a photo of it. Mike is already in bed reading, and I want to join him tonight, last night I got caught up playing Sims 2 and didn't get to read in bed, so good night!

Four years ago...

And still very much in love :)

Hello 2009!

I have abandoned this little blog of mine for a few days. I started writing an entry last night, but then a friend came over and we went to a new years eve party. I even drove! I'm still not comfortable driving all by myself though.

I've been pretty sad the past few days, I think I'm finally getting over it. We (mostly Mike), decided that we need to postpone trying to start our family until March or so, to see what happens with his job. He's worried that there may be layoffs. So the plan is for me to find a job and see what happens afterwards.

I know it's probably the responsible thing to do, but I just get so sad when things don't go the way I had planned them, especially having a baby. I wish my maternal instinct could have waited to kick in, because now that's all I can think about.

It also means that I probably won't have as much time to focus on my Etsy store. If I was selling around 2 paintings per day, maybe I wouldn't have to get a real job. I just hope I have time to continue painting once I find a job.

These are some of the changes or resolutions Mike and I have for this new year:

* I will now be in charge of the household budget.
* Start reading, and possibly attending, Shakespeare plays.
* Listen to classical music and learn about the composer a little bit.
* Start exercising by playing tennis, swimming and possibly yoga.
* Try to eat less desserts.

That's all I can think of for now, we've been pretty good with cooking healthy and natural. I painted this burrito yesterday, it reminds me of a picture I have when I was younger riding a donkey. Happy new year!!!

A little homesick

This is the time of year I miss the most, wishing I could be in Mexico. Even though I'm not super religious, I really miss the way my family celebrates Christmas in Mexico. Christmas Eve was more important than actual Christmas day.

We would usually get together at one of my aunts or uncles house to celebrate on Christmas Eve. We would have a posada, the whole family would split up in 2 "teams" and actually sing the litany to pedir posada. We would also have our gift exchange, have a fancy dinner (not lunch), and wait till midnight to see what "baby jesus" or sometimes Santa, left under the tree.

A traditional drink would be ponche, a hot drink, sort of like tea, but with nuts and different fruits, and we could add some sort of liquor if we preferred it that way. We would also make buñuelos, just for this day.

But instead, i'm at home, waiting for Mike to finish working. We are driving over to my mother in law's house later, have a normal day and wait until tomorrow to open up some presents and cook a nice lunch/dinner. I miss my family so much. I would love for Mike to experience a Christmas in Mexico one year.

I hope everyone has a great Christmas with their families and loved ones. Remember that presents are just temporary material things, love, friendship and family are priceless...corny I know. Merry Christmas!

Sunday

So after my glorious day of getting my license, not much has happened. I helped my friend Candice move a couple of days.

I also received my first Etsy purchase from artandghosts. I'm so in love with her work! I bought penny farthing and sally antoinette. She forgot to mail one of the prints, but she'll be sending it soon. I also received a 5x7 print of proud sally as a free gift! I was so excited, because that one was another one of my favorites.

We had some friends over for dinner on friday and they brought their dog with them. And well, how should I say this... Lily humped their dog Jersey! It was so funny! I thought Lily didn't know how to hump!

(Click on image to view larger...stupid blogger)

I've been in the worst holiday mood ever. It's as if I stopped "believing" in Christmas. All of a sudden, I feel like I forgot the whole meaning of it. It kind of sucks, I've never felt this way before. I haven't even bought anyone presents and I probably won't either...ok maybe my parents, but they'll be late.

Today I decided to steam clean the carpets. We also moved some furniture around a little bit. It feels so clean now! Then Mike pissed me off...but we won't get into that. Ok, everyone be good and have a great week, it's almost Christmas for those feeling the holiday spirit!

Grand Opening of...

It's here! I finally listed a few of my paintings on my new Etsy store called Sugar Village! I still have a few things I need to work on. I will list new paintings often, so be sure to check regularly to see new ones.

I'm very excited about doing this, I have so much to learn in the world of Etsy, but hopefully I'll get the hang of it in no time.

I want to thank my husband Mike, who motivates me and tells me how proud I make him for doing all this. Another special thanks goes to my best friend Candice, who always has positive critique, scans my paintings and helps me edit. Without them, I couldn't have done this...or at least not as easily, hee hee hee.

I hope you enjoy visiting Sugar Village as much as I enjoy working on it. Make sure to tell your friends and family about it, it would mean so much to me. Thank you!

Happy fucking valentines day to me...

So, when things are going extremely well between the hubby and I, I always think it's too good to be true, so I know there is a fight just around the corner. I don't know if I jinxed myself, but the fight finally caught up with us.

It started last night, over a foot massager and went into all kinds of directions, including, me not being a good housewife, me not caring for his feet, among other things. I don't understand why the person you love the most, is the one that also hurts you the most. I absolutely hate it when he says to me- fuck you. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it just breaks my heart a little. Not once have I said such a thing to him. The worst part, I can't help it and I always cry, and it's like he feeds off of that to keep going, to keep screaming and mocking me. It's the most horrible feeling I have ever had. So yeah, I had a rough night, there's the big stain of mascara in my pillow to prove it. I hate crying myself to sleep.

I woke up with beautiful puffy eyes, I didn't even want to go to class, I was still very sad. But I got up, showered, left to school. luckily I was able to vent to my lovely friends, I really don't know what I would do without them.

I came home and then later he got home from work, acting like nothing ever happened, which is what he does when we fight. I'm still distant, he said I'm sorry, but there is much more to talk about, I still feel hurt. He did fix me a yummy dinner which consisted of pan fried shrimp in a lemon chipotle sauce and some yummy green beans with some sauce and a bread crumb, parmesan topping. So there you have it, my lovely valentines day in a nutshell. Here's a picture to decorate today's special blog: