Motherhood

I've been a mom for a little over 3 months now, and let me tell you, the amount of emotions I have felt in this short period of time, are sometimes overwhelming. Not all of these emotions have been good unfortunately. I have felt so angry, guilty, sad, resentful, etc... it makes me wonder if I'll ever be a good mommy. I need patience, lot's of it.

I feel like something has been going on with my little baby since he was born (NICU, the harness and now the cast) My mom came and left. She was so much help these past 5 weeks. I was able to go to bed with my husband, eat dinner with him, rest, hand the baby over when I had to pump or when I was just plain overwhelmed.

Now we are back to just the 3 of us, still trying to come up with a good routine. Right now, Mike does all the cooking and I do most of the cleaning. I go to bed at around 8pm and Mike stays up with the baby, sometimes the baby will sleep, other times he'll be up. I wake up at around 2am to pump and take over baby duty for the rest of the morning/day. This is the only way we can both get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, the baby wakes up about every hour at night.

The first few weeks with the cast were very difficult. I wrote that he was crying and spitting up more than usual in my last post, well, it got even worse. Then finally around week 4, he was doing much better. He even started getting more vocal and sort of smiling, here's a video of him in his little "jungle". I still don't think he smiles "on purpose". I finally figured out a way to hold him that would make him burp, and that seemed to help.

(See, told you, rubbing his face. Taken on Feb 11, 13 weeks old)

Since my mom left, it seems like he has gone back to crying a lot again. It's really hard to deal with the crying, especially when you are hungry, probably dirty, have to use the bathroom, tired and nothing seems to soothe the baby, it is such a horrible feeling, I sometimes end up crying with him. We have to keep mittens on him at all times now, because all he wants to do is rub his little face off, it's pretty frustrating. We can't really swaddle him because he gets overheated.

At this point, we have less than 2 weeks to go until they take the cast off. You have no idea how excited I'm! I want to finally bathe him, see his whole precious little body. He is starting to get stinky and he has had a few poop explosions... not good. I will be heartbroken if his hips haven't improved and he needs another cast, I really don't know how I'm going to deal with it. I think the hospital stay and recovering from the anesthesia are the worst parts...I think... the crying is pretty bad too :(

I never imagined this was going to be so hard; physically and emotionally. Mike is pretty positive that once the cast comes off, Andrew will do much better. In the mean time, we are just taking it day by day, enjoying the moments when the baby does seem happy. Thanks to everyone that has been praying and sending good thoughts, I really appreciate it, it really makes me feel a little better.

Birth Story Part II

After the epidural was in, they noticed the baby was in distress. I *think* they lowered the pitocin again to see if that helped the baby, I'm not really sure what happened after the Epidural went in. I do know that it was very weird not being able to feel my lower body. I would touch my legs and they would feel so huge and jello-y.

Since the baby was still in distress, my ob came and talked to be about having to do a c-section. At this point I already knew in my mind it was going to happen, so I wasn't scared or anything, I just wanted my baby safely out. It's funny because I thought a c-section was the worse thing that could happen to me, and I was pretty calm at the moment.

So there we were, after all we went through, we were finally going to meet our little guy. My mom and mother in law started packing up, since only Mike could go in the operating room with me. They took me to the operating room and later Mike joined me. He held my hand the entire time, while we silently just looked at each other, I guess we were both nervous and at the same time relieved and excited.

(Less than a day old)

So that's how little Mr Andrew James (who's name we didn't agree on until 2 or 3 days after he was born) was born on Saturday November 13 at 11:45pm. He weighed 5lb 12oz and measured 19.5 inches. Even though I know my exact conception date and was 40 weeks, he was very little. The pediatricians at the hospital said he was small for gestational age (SGA), that he was more like a 36 week baby.

Unfortunately, he stayed in the NICU for a whole week. On Sunday he had a choking incident, thank goodness the nurse was in my room when it happened and took him to the NICU right away. Once in the NICU, he had more desaturation episodes while feeding. He also had mild jaundice due to my blood type. It was an extremely stressful week for us, even though it wasn't anything serious, it was still sad seeing our little baby there.

So there you have it, my long birth story. It didn't go as planned, which I knew could happen, and besides the small complications, he is doing great. I can not say enough great things about all the nurses at The Winter Park Hospital, they were all amazing. Andrew has been with us for 5 weeks now and we are still slowly adjusting to our new life. We are so in love with our little boy ♥

PS: If you have any questions, just leave a comment and I'll respond :)

October

My favorite month of the year! Our home renovations are finally over... At least for the most part, there still might be minor details that need to be done, but for now, we can say they're done! It was a very stressful experience (even tears of frustration were involved). We never thought it would take almost 7 weeks to complete.

When we finally decided on what colors to paint, we went with only 2 different ones for the whole place. Soothing Celadon by Behr for the kitchen, living room, both bathrooms and the baby room. And Antique White, also by Behr, for the dining room, hallway and our bedroom.

(Master bedroom bathroom, that was never in use before remodeling)

They also replaced, fixed, and removed little things through out the place, in addition to painting and remodeling the two bathrooms. We got our carpet from Lowe's. We chose a nylon frieze carpet, it's kind of shaggy, but so far we like it. We are really taking care of it this time, we pretty much vacuum every day haha.

We still have a few boxes of things we have listed on craigslist and other boxes that need to go up in the attic. I also finally sold my wedding dress! I couldn't believe it, I've had it on craigslist for years! One less thing taking up room in the closet and a bit of extra cash to buy baby things :)

I don't think I ever mentioned it on here, but a few months ago we also sold our second car. We are now a one car household. And since we are trying to make room for baby, we are now also a one desktop computer household, we just couldn't find a place for 2 desks in our small condo.

I would be freaking out about having only one computer at home, considering Mike works from home most of the time, but, I got an amazing early birthday present from my wonderful husband: a very cool smart phone! I'm so in love with it! It's a Samsung Galaxy S :)

(♥ My precious ♥)

Anyway, I'll be back soon with pregnancy and nursery updates, so stay tuned ;)

Progress

Last time I blogged about our home improvements, I "thought" things were finally coming along, until the guy we decided to hire stopped returning our calls. We then had about 4 more companies come and give us estimates. Last week, we finally decided on a different contractor and they started working this last Wednesday, yay!

Our home renovations pretty much consists of: remodeling 2 bathrooms, fixing various little things through out the house, painting and changing the carpet. I can't even imagine what it will look like all finished! Too bad we can't afford to re decorate as well.

We had the hardest time picking out the dining room and bathroom vanity lights. Mike didn't like anything at the 2 big home improvement stores, so we searched online. Once we decided on the lights, it seemed like they were out of stock every where! I finally found them, so they better be here soon. We also had to order our new medicine cabinets online.

The next big decisions are going to be picking out the tile for our kitchen backsplash and the interior house paint colors... I'm not looking forward to the paint part.

Today was day 4 and they are almost done with the first bathroom, I'm really hoping they get the second bathroom finished by the end of this week. It's been driving me a little nuts having to be here all day "supervising" them, I feel so trapped. I'll post pictures once they get more things done :)

Home improvements

Things are finally moving along in the home improvement front. Three guys have been to our condo to give us estimates for the little repairs we need and to remodel our bathrooms. I'm still waiting to hear back from one of them though. We also decided to replace our carpet, but that will be the very last thing we do.

The future nursery is still not empty, but at least I posted everything we are trying to sell on craigslist. It's hard for me not to stress out (but I do, a little), I can't wait until they actually start working on our place. We only have about 12 weeks to have everything ready for baby, I really want the new carpet, car seat and baby mattress to air out for as long as possible.

I can't wait for all the home improvements to be done, then I can actually buy the nursery furniture and other big things we'll need. Oh by the way, there is the possibility of my step dad getting a job in Tennessee, if that happens, they would only be 12 hours away from us! I'm pretty excited about that, I really need my parents closer.

Well, that's all that's been going on here. I'm sure our weekend will be filled with many Home Depot and Lowe's trips (good thing both stores are pretty near by). Have a good weekend!

Kentucky

Mike's family reunion was this past weekend in Kentucky. It was nice meeting some of Mike's family (his dad's side) for the first time. It was also my first time in Kentucky. We mostly just hung out at our motel and ate together.

On Saturday, we went to the Natural Bridge Park. We hiked and I got to ride a sky lift for the first time!

On Sunday, we went to the Kentucky Horse Park. We didn't get to see everything because it was pretty hot and I was very tired by then.

But it was a good trip despite the hot weather. We went to the town Mike grew up in... that was cool to see. We also had a surprise baby shower thrown by Mike's step mom. She even got us chocolate cupcakes! Now I have my first sets of adorable baby clothes. This little one is finally starting to feel a bit more real :)

Bittersweet return

I'm always sad and happy at the same time to be coming back "home". When I'm enjoying my family in Mexico, part of me is missing Mike, when I'm here in Orlando, I'm missing my family in Mexico and my mom in CA. I really hope at least my parents move closer to us one day, especially with the baby on the way.

Anyway, I had a great visit. I spent my whole vacation just hanging out with my family, I didn't even do any sightseeing this time. All the pictures I took were of me and my family. I'm usually pretty spoiled when I'm over there, now imagine how spoiled I got by being pregnant. My aunts were busy knitting blankets for the baby and my mom trying to learn how to crochet.

I went to the movies twice, less than $4 each time. I also got a haircut for $4! I got to see some high school friends one night, some of them I haven't seen since high school. I ate yummy food, had lots of fruit they don't even have here and drank fresh coconut water. I started having a weird craving once I was there, I wanted beer... still do, just thinking about a really cold beer with lime and salt makes my mouth water :/

I got to meet a new family member, the baby or toddler I suppose, in the picture. My cousin was pregnant with her last time I was there. I totally fell in love with her, she was so cute, sweet and smart! I miss her already :( She made it really hard to not have a preference to what we have.

Speaking of which, I was supposed to have my first ultrasound this past Wednesday, but Mike switched jobs and we were waiting on insurance stuff, so we had to cancel our appt. So, I'm now 20 weeks pregnant (half way there omg!) and we have out big ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow morning! I don't know if I'll be able to sleep :D

Coming this November...

Monday

Happy about: Up coming travels, robins on my front yard and life in general :)

Mad about: Getting a bill from doctor for 2 minutes of her time, all she told me was that I needed to go to a fertility specialist grrrr

Mike's latest craziness: Running and walking barefoot. Which leads to his recent purchase of some Vibram FiveFingers.

Joined: Netflix. The library not having the complete Road to Avonlea series pretty much convinced us ;)

Wants: Start a small art journal, sort of collage/scrapbook.

Bought: Sula's paint and peel nail polish, it's non-toxic :)

Food: Been eating more grass fed meat and dairy. We also bought some Celtic sea salt (healthier and more minerals!)

Today

-Laundry and ironing (mmm fresh sheets)
-Partial order from Dick Blick delivered (waiting on paper)
-Applied for job at UCF (part time, I hope I get it)
-Out for pizza with Mike (yummy white pizza with spinach and cute waiter)
-Bought ingredients for cheesecake ($18?!)
-Big Bang Theory (Bazzinga!)
-Watched crazy husband in pool (60° water)

Would you...

jump in the icy cold water of a pool for 5 minutes? Would you do it for $50? Because well, I totally did a little while ago. Mike has been taking cold showers for some time now and yesterday he decided to go jump in the cold pool. It was freezing, but he did it. Today he planned on doing it again, but this time, he asked me, what it would take for me to do it too.

I said $50... he then walked away (I should have followed him, to see where he got it from) and came back with the 50 bucks. I should have said $100... to late. We finished watching our tv show, then he went and changed into his swim trunks and asked if I was going to do it. I told him only if he was really going to give me the money. So I changed into my bathing suit and off we went to the pool, all bundled up.

Once I got there and touched the water, I really didn't think I could do it, it was freezing! I think I waited for about 10 minutes on the side of the pool, getting wet from the light rain and shaking from the coldness, before deciding to actually jump in. Once I was in, I just had to keep on moving, my whole skin felt all tingly and numb. Mike said the water was even colder today than it was yesterday, even though the outside temperature was warmer today.

So there you have it, I did it! Easiest $50 I've ever made, haha. Some benefits of cold water therapy include: keeping your blood pressure stabilized, stimulating the body to release endorphins, improving the body’s immune system by increasing white blood cell levels, etc. I'm sorry, but I'll do it again only for money, Mike can be the healthy one in this marriage :P

Welcome 2010

A little late in welcoming the new year but here I am! Things that have happened since my last post:

- Bought new Christmas ornaments for next year at Target. I got them in white and jewel tones... very cheerful looking.

- Spent my last gift card and with it, purchased my very first pair of skinny jeans... Is there like an age limit to wearing them? I hope I don't look ridiculous in them.

- Mike calls skinny jeans "Harry Potter jeans"... I don't know why.

- I also bought lots of cute new undies hee hee

- Celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary yesterday. We had lunch at Seasons 52, which we have never been. Other than that, nothing special :(

- Today we used our brand new standing mixer to make chocolate butter cookies, as usual, they turned out delicious.

- Speaking of cookies, I think they'll go great with my tea. I have completely given up coffee and I now drink decaffeinated tea with cream and sugar, I really like it!

- The weather is amazing, it's been in the 50's these past days... love love love

- Made scallops for dinner for the first time today... they were so good! How can we be such amazing cooks? ;)

Twenty Seven

I had a great birthday weekend. Even the weather was perfect! We went over to my mother in law's house Friday and Saturday. I always feel spoiled when I'm there, it's like a mini vacation. We went to see an antique car show that was going on in Lakeland, around the lake Mike and I got married. Later on we had lunch at a Mexican restaurant, where I had some delicious flautas.

Today I had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory with my friend Candice and also did a bit of shopping. Later this evening we all went to see Where the Wild Things Are. I thought it would be better and Mike thought it was better than he thought it would be, so I guess overall it was ok...

Since we haven't been home this weekend, Mike still owes me my birthday cupcakes, which will probably be the last carbs I'll be eating in a while, we definitely broke our diet this weekend. So yeah, nothing crazy or extravagant this birthday, but I was surrounded by loved ones. And not only this weekend, but lately I've been feeling pretty damn happy, I guess I could consider that an additional gift :)

Hola

Just stopping by before the weekend is over. I'm already done with the Census job for now, I actually only worked for about 3 days after our one week training. I would have liked to work for a few more weeks, but we finished our assigned area really fast.

Mike finally bought himself some fancy new work clothes, he's going to look so nice! I can't wait to see him on Tuesday. He used to work from home most of the time, but now he has to go in to the office 3 times a week. He even threw away some really old and embarrassing t-shirts that had holes in them... shocking!

I told myself I wouldn't cry, but once again, I got my period this month. I was pretty bummed this weekend by it. I know we haven't been trying for a baby for that long, but it still makes me sad every time my period shows up. I never imagined this is what it would be like and I feel like I have no one to talk to about it.

My birthday is next week, so that will hopefully distract me a little. I should be getting my camera soon, we ordered it last week. I also got an early birthday present from my friend Candice, she got me the Wreck this Journal I mentioned in another post, I already filled out some pages, it's pretty fun.

Anyway, everything else has been great and I'm grateful for that. The weather on the other hand went back to being hot, so that sucks! Oh yeah, I even assisted my friend Isabelle on another photo shoot last week, that was fun! Here's a pic of me from that day. Ok, time for bed kids!

Just checking in

My training for the second part of the US Census job is over. It was hard to understand the new material and we were in a small and crowded room, which made it even worse. I'm glad that's over with. We should be done pretty quickly with this job, not sure what happens next.

Mike was gone again Tuesday-Thursday night. We've only been seeing each other on the weekends lately. When he is here, he still needs to catch up on more work, so that sucks. We still don't know if he has to go back next week or not.

My boobs started hurting again. Last month they hurt for more than a week, so it made me believe I was pregnant because that never happens to me. Needless to say, I was pretty upset when my period came along. This month I'll try not to get my hopes up so much...

New family member...

The Kindle DX has finally arrived at our home. Needless to say, Mike is a very happy guy right now. In the mean time, I'm researching my own future toys and gadgets...

I really want a new camera, even if it's just the Canon Rebel XSi. I posted my Rebel XT on craigslist, so if I sell it, it might be possible to make the upgrade. If I don't sell it, I think I would like to play around with a Wacom tablet.

Another little gadget I would also like to have is Professor Kobre's Lightscoop. And last but not least, I want this journal, it looks really fun to fill out. Hey, I'm only thinking about my birthday and Christmas hee hee.

My point exactly...

Setting: Sunday afternoon, looking at a free magazine picked up at Whole Foods.

Mike: This magazine is all new agey...

Me: Well, you're kinda of new agey too...

Mike: No I'm not! I make fun of those people... Oh! I just remembered, I found a good new age station last night, can you turn it on?

Any way... We finally bought some grass fed beef and made some delicious chili with it. Mike also wanted to buy raw milk, but I drew the line with the non homogenized, it's actually very good and creamy! How was your weekend?

PS. Mike asked if they sold brains at Whole Foods... enough said

Happy Birthday my love...

We had some friends over for a little early birthday celebration for Mike this past Saturday. Food was great, we made a cream of mushroom soup, following a Julia Child recipe, spinach and asparagus salad with goat cheese and roasted chicken with a pan sauce. For dessert (yes, we cheated a bit on our diet with the dessert), an orange souffle with ice cream. Everything was delicious!

We also played a little bit of boardgames, watched a movie (The Wrestler) and went over to Avalon Park to see some fireworks. It was a good day overall. He got these speakers for his birthday. On Sunday, we headed over to Cool Stuff for another birthday present, a boardgame of course! He chose one called A House Divided. Happy birthday baby, I love you more than anything, can't wait to share more birthdays with you ♥

New Additions

We made a few purchases this past week. All new additions to our always busy kitchen. We bought a Zyliss salad spinner, a Microplane Professional Grater (so professional I already cut myself) and some ramekins that make everything look better. Who would have thought I would ever get excited about kitchen gadgets?!

(Caesar salad, steak and cauliflower gratin)

Changes

There has been a couple of changes in my life lately. The first one is that I legally changed my last name. I know this might sound corny, but I honestly feel like I've lost a part of my identity and heritage. I don't see how changing a last name makes a marriage more "official"... it feels like my husband now owns me or something. I still don't get what the big deal is, but it meant a lot to Mike and it was starting to become a hassle with insurance and other paper work, so I went ahead and got it over with.

The other change we're making in our life is in our diet. Just a few weeks back, while enjoying some tapas in Miami, I was telling my friends how I would NEVER go on a diet, that I loved food so much... well, so much for that conversation. I had some blood work done a few weeks ago and something weird came up in my liver, so I had to get more blood work done. Now I'm waiting to go back and discuss the results with my doctor.

We have been eating more natural for like 2 years now, making everything from scratch and not eating any preservatives, artificial ingredients, hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup. But now, we are also trying to really cut down on our carbs and sugar, and that makes me very sad! I tell Mike I'd rather live a short and happy life, where I can eat anything I want! He doesn't seem to agree with me he he. I know it's all a matter of getting used to this new lifestyle, but it's so hard! I have the cravings of 10 pregnant ladies put together! I love desserts and bread so much it makes me want to cry... ok I admit it, I did cry about it already.

I know that in the long run it's the right decision. I don't want to end up like my parents taking tons of pills to control everything. As it is, Mike and I believe that most diseases are preventable by eating the right diet, I just didn't really care he he. We are still taking our food based vitamins and cod liver oil. We also started going on daily walks. Now that we are back on track in our trying to conceive (ttc) adventure, what better time to change our eating habits to try our best to have a healthy baby right?